This weekend Jay Wiseman was at our local club; I went on Saturday to hear him discuss a variety of things: SM 101: A Realistic Introduction, Anatomy and Physiology for BDSMers, Negotiation as Foreplay, and Legal Paperwork for Alternative Relationships. WOW! The classes were informative and yet entertaining, VERY well structured, and appropriate for many different people in the “lifestyle”. My only comment is that some handouts would have been great; a 16 word mnemonic is simply not that easy to remember!
This was the first time I had seen him talk and was prepared not be that impressed. The SUPER safety Nazi and his Fetlife writing on “Poly-to-English Dictionary” had managed to create a slightly negative view. What I found was refreshing; a well-educated, reasonable, analytical, thoughtful person. As for safety; mostly I found that he is advocating for risk aware AND sane! Now, others may think that he is WAY tooooooo safe; but he has tremendous experience to draw from – as a paramedic (EMS and medical school), an attorney, and an expert witness for BDSM (sexual asphyxia in particular) related matters! He understands both the structures of the body and the legal ramifications of behaviors and outcomes. We all have a tendency to mitigate others experiences and wait for it to happen to us. Perhaps in matters of safety, and life and death that is not the best paradigm. Really, consider that.
There are basic 2 things he wants the BDSM community to NOT do: 1) don’t bind someone tightly so that breathing is impaired, and 2) don’t LEAVE them alone. This advice simply doesn’t seem that earth shattering or like it should impair play to ANY degree.
As it turned out, Jay was free for dinner and sled and I had an opportunity to talk with privately for a while. As we sat eating our salads and ribs it was a conversation that spanned a range of topics inside and out of BSDM. It was truly a unique opportunity to get to know someone a little better. sled and I crossing our fingers for Jay’s new relationship; may everything go smoothly. I love being able to extend hospitality to those visiting the area. It is simple to make sure guests are taken care of.
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